"It's a High-Guard Life, we lead,
Shooting ev-ry-thing we see!
Magog or the Niet-zsche-ans
Kill 'em first and then make friends!
Itıs a High Guard Life!"
Well, Lo and behold! They adopt Dylan as their Daddy Warbucks (and many a female viewer of this episode is sure glad that doesn't mean he has to shave his head bald)
Dylan learns this band of kids has made a quasi-religion out of High-Guard philosophy, but they believe only humans can be in the Guard. Harper dives head-first into a filing cabinet full of handy dandy Bob Villa how-to instructional sheets! Muttering something about "a ship made flesh", Harper trundles off to scavenge. They hold a ritual greeting for Dylan, offering him a HUGE carton of collected Nietzscean bone spurs and Magog dewclaws: trophies they've acquired from defending their home. Dylan drags the crate back aboard the Andromeda where Rev's convinced the kids are simply misunderstood, and Tyr's suffering bone-blade envy as he's sifting through the box and comparing his blades with those who've been slain here.
Dylan tries to slowly introduce the other members of his crew to the kids, and while they're nervous around Trance, they decide purple's not so bad. It's a harder sell for Rev, however. The leader of the pack of kids happily holds Rev at gun-point while our resident Wayist tries to talk peace. Those wacky kids eventually catch Rev and turn him into a living pinata. Batterrrrrrrrr-UP! Swing! Ow! Quit it! OW! Quit it! Ow-quit it! Dag nabit! Looks like Rev's not gonna get the babysitting job again anytime soon.
Rev is eventually let down, and we find him back aboard Andromeda, getting a super-friggin' huge syringe-full-o-nano-healers from Trance. Hey, who knew? She can come back from the dead, she's got a tail, she's purple, and she practices futuristic accupuncture!
So what are those crazy kids up to while this is going on? Well! They've convinced Dylan it's a good idea to open a security door using his High-Guard authorization codes... He pulls the "Open Seseme" act on the door, and lo and behold! We find an entire hanger of High-Guard Slipfighters, each complete with their very own Nova bombs! Well, two kids who just happen to have the launch authorization keys for this hanger are right there to plug-in and start a launch authorization! Funny how they had access to the keys, but couldn't get the doors open in all that time.... Now, many people who've taken note of just how bloodthirsty these kids are might think having made a discovery like this might be a bad idea, and they'd try to lock it back up again... Not our Daddy Warbucks!! Instead, Dylan goes back to his ship, and leaves the door to the hanger unlocked.
Betcha can't tell what happens next! Of course you can! The kids send two of their best out piloting a pair of slip fighters, launching an attack on a nearby enemy star-system.
(Kids start singing)
"Their star will blow up...Tomorrow!
Bet yer bottom dollar by tomorrow, thereıs no sun!
We've been waiting all day,
To slay, and murder them,
So we'll deploy our craft,
and blow them all awayyyyyyyyy!
Their star will blow up... Tomorrow!
Bet yer bottom dollar by tomorrow, there's no sun!
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! We'll Kill em' tomorrow,
Theyıre just a slip-jump a-way!"
Well, Dylan succeeds in stopping one of the fighters, but another gets away and next an entire solar system dies. Back on the station, the kids are pouting because Dylan tried to spoil their fun. They decide they've got to figure out some new way to amuse themselves... I KNOW! Let's try taking over the ship! That's always good for a laugh! How we gonna get on board. Mikey! We'll get Mikey! Trance likey Mikey! Hey Mikey! YAY! He got her to open the door! Everyone remember to take their anti-nano-attack injections? No? Awwwww! Dangit Marty! That's what you get for missing being afraid of needles!! Well, the kids have managed to round up the entire crew on the command deck, all except for Harper, who's apparently been playing with some new project of his in the Maru. Well, he shows up with the leader of the pack, and she's trying to convince the boys that this isn't a great idea. Well, we all know how headstrong boys at play can be, and she's ignored. How are the crew gonna get out of this one. Let's ask the naked lady behind them. WAITAMINUTE! NAKED LADY?!?!? That's no lady! That's Rommie! (well, she's still naked!) More accurately, the naked one is Rommie's Avatar, an advanced form of robot, 'the ship made flesh', that Harper was muttering about. Well no WONDER he was spending so much time alone in the Maru! Well, Rommie's on the scene, still naked, and she forces the little jaw-dropped-gaping boys to give up their hold on the ship. Through all of this, those wacky kids launch all the rest of the slipfighters the base had, each equipped with a nova bomb. Dangit! These kids aren't gonna get any ice cream if they keep this up! Andromeda is able to use her override codes to stop many of the fighters by ejecting the kids and causing the lot of them to blow up in an open Slipstream portal. KABOOM!
Rommie's off to find herself a wardrobe, and the kids are put back on their station, Rev refuses to babysit them again. The kids promise to behave themselves from then on, adding their encounter with Dylan and crew to their High-guard religion. Dylan is seen placing a singe Nova bomb back aboard the Andromeda, hoping he never has to ever use the dreaded device.
The ship breaks Dock and heads off in search of a renewed Commonwealth (singing) "It's a High Guard Life!"
